The Deacon's Bench - May, 2009

My friend Fr. Tony sent me an e-mail last week about Mary Ann Bird, who had written a short story entitled The Whisper Test. The story’s about her childhood.

"I grew up knowing I was different, and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate, and when I started school, my classmates mercilessly made it clear to me how I looked to them: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth and garbled speech. Sometimes they would ask, 'What happened to your lip?' I'd tell them I'd fallen and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have to admit having been born different. I was convinced that no one outside my family could love me.

There was, however, a teacher in the second grade that we all adored -- Mrs. Leonard by name. She was short, round, happy -- a sparkling lady. In our school system we were required to have a hearing test every year. I was virtually deaf in one of my ears, but when I’d taken the test in past years, I’d discovered that if I didn’t press my hand as tightly upon my good ear as I was instructed to do, I could pass the test.

The day came for the hearing test and Mrs. Leonard told us to line up. One by one we’d go to the door of the classroom and stand there to take the test. I knew from past years that as we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting at her desk would whisper something and we would have to repeat it back ... things like, 'The sky is blue' or 'Do you have new shoes?' Finally it was my turn. I went up to the door waited there for those words. But God put into her mouth seven words which changed my life. Mrs. Leonard said, in her whisper, 'I wish you were my little girl.'”

There are low times in most lives. Times when we don’t feel particularly good about ourselves; times when perhaps we feel we’re not worth very much and don’t deserve anyone’s love; times when we might feel we’ve done something or failed to do something and don’t deserve to be loved. We can turn into a very dark alley if we mistakenly decide that we feel unlovable because we are unlovable.

Jesus clearly tells us that no matter what we may think or feel about ourselves, God loves us – completely, unconditionally, as-is, and forever. And the “us” that God loves is the real “us,” – the vast, complex, beautiful and maybe even terrifying “us” we glimpse from time to time when we peek inside, beyond the masks we make for ourselves, beyond the mask-maker and into the fathomless depths known only to those who know themselves to be what they really are: living, creative expressions of God’s wisdom, love and compassion. It’s in this spot that we hear God whisper to us, ‘You are My beloved child, so much like Me. See?’ Take a look. It’ll change your life.