The Deacon's Bench - September-October, 2009

A few weeks ago I happened to mention casually to another member of the family that I was feeling gravitationally challenged. The aforementioned person seized upon this and decided to unearth Weight Watcher™ materials from long ago and make me do it. Being an agreeable sort who generally knows what’s good for him, in many senses of that expression, I agreed that yes, I needed to do that.

For those who have never tried it, it’s an excellent program that enforces awareness and discipline. Done with regularity, and along with appropriate exercise, eating habits improve and the weight comes tumbling off. The only thing I don’t like about it is that I cannot eat whatever I want when I feel like it. But that’s really the whole point, isn’t it?

I was chatting with God about this the other day and he said “Tim, do you really think this little episode in your life is about weight?” I told him that I didn’t think he’d be asking a question like that if that was all it was about. “Right!” God observed. “So – what do you imagine it’s about then?” he asked. I told him it was probably about becoming aware of all the not-so-good things I did and acquiring the moral discipline to shape up. “Man,” God said, “you are a slow learner.”

Then he explained that the awareness he was looking for was awareness of him and his action both in my life and the lives that mine happened to be intersecting at the moment. The discipline he was looking for had nothing to do with how muscular my suppressive and repressive powers of self-discipline could get, but rather with a gentler discipline of mindfulness - a capability to sense his goodness welling up from inside. The discipline was about choosing more and more to prefer to be like him, and to do stuff to bring that goodness out into my little hunk of the world.

“Will I lose weight?” I asked. “Yep,” said God. “You’ll lose the weight that makes you feel as if you have to accomplish your salvation all by yourself; the weight that makes it feel as if there are all these rules weighing you down all the time; the weight of self-loathing when you mess up.”

Since I generally know what’s good for me, I told him I’d give it a shot. “There’s a catch,” God mentioned.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“You have to do whatever you want.”
“How is that a catch?” I asked.
“It’s like this,” God said, “whatever you want will only be good for you if what you want is the same as the goodness for you and for everyone that I want. To be able to see that, you have to accept my gift.”
“Gift?” I asked.
“Yes,” God said,"the gift of deep knowledge of my ways, and the law of love.”
“How can I ever know what you know?” I asked God.
“You can’t,” God said, “You have to let me live in you. I’ll do the heavy lifting for us.”
I thought that was a pretty good deal, so I’ve signed up. If you're feeling a tad weighed down, you might want to do so too.

Deacon Tim’s Weight Watcher’s Cocktail
1 glass air, 8 oz.
1 ice cube, 2 oz. trimmed of all fat
Add ice cube to air. Mix well. Put in microwave and melt ice cube. Drink. Cheers – it’s 0 points!