The Deacon's Bench - January 2011

How’re you doing with your New Year’s resolutions? If you’re like me, perhaps you decided not to make them this year. After all, it can be quite dispiriting to resolve to do something and then fall on your sword before the ink dries on the paper.

Convinced of the superior logic of this approach, you can imagine how surprised I was when God showed up last week and asked me how I was doing with my New Year’s resolutions.
“I don’t make them anymore, God,” I replied.
“Really?” God asked. “You mean you have no goals?”
“Oh, I have goals, God, but not resolutions,” I explained, forgetting for the moment how pointless it is trying to convince God that my ways are better than his.
“What’s the difference?” God inquired.
“Well,” I told him, “a goal is something I plan to accomplish, and a resolution is something I’m just going to try to do.”
“Give me an example,” God asked.
“Losing weight,” I said. “It seems I can resolve to lose as much as I want, and maybe even do it, but it keeps on coming back.”
“All by itself?” God asked.
“Pretty much,” I said. “You know how it is.”
“Oh, I know how it is,” God said with a grin. “Tell me - is it important to you to lose that weight?”
“Sure God,” I said. “Why else would I make a resolution about it?”
“Is it something you really want to do or just something you just think you ought to do?” God inquired.
“You want the truth?” I asked.
“Always,” God replied.
“I do want to lose a few pounds, but food tastes so good!” I said.
“And you just can’t resist it?”
“Something like that.”
“Maybe you mean you don’t want to resist it.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I admitted.

We got quiet for a few moments, and then I said “This conversation isn’t really about weight, is it, God?”
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.” God said. “What do you think it might be if it’s not?” God asked.
“Resolutions? Resisting temptation?” I suggested.
“Perhaps,” God said. “Remember when I had someone tell you that ‘the worst form of deception is self-deception’?” God asked.
“Vaguely,” I mumbled.
“Just a little bit of wisdom I thought I’d share with you through him,” God said. “Remember how you felt?”
“I didn’t like it,” I said, not looking up. God didn’t say anything. Sometimes I think God’s ‘judgment’ is God simply giving us the time and space to think about things and come to see the truth – his truth – on our own.

I sighed. “He was right – I’d been kidding myself about something I’d done wrong and was trying to make it look like something it really wasn’t,” I admitted, burning with shame at the memory.
“Couldn’t resist doing that?” God asked gently.”Doing things your own way always tastes so good, doesn’t it? But you always end up putting on weight. The weight of sin – the anxiety of broken relationships with me and your fellow human beings - that’s weight you might want to resolve to lose. The burning feeling you’re enjoying right now is what some theologians might call the fires of Purgatory. Think of it as burning off a few pounds worth of sin, Tim. Oh, and any time you think you might want help resisting temptation, just call!”
I told God I’d make that my New Year’s resolution.
God smiled and said with a wink, “How about we make that your goal.”