In my work as a hospital chaplain I get to listen a lot. Just listen; not analyze, judge, diagnose or criticize. Such discipline was helpful to me reading Joshua Grisetti’s God in My Head. I was reminded of my training that hallucinations, near death experiences and such like seem very real to the party of the first part, and require no affirmation or exegesis from anyone other than the person who experienced it. All that’s needed from others is to listen. If the experiencer decides to act on his or her vision(s), that’s his or her business, as long as no one else’s safety is compromised.

That said, having grown up in New York, where Grisetti currently lives, I think I’d move to the other side of the subway car and pretend to get very busy with my newspaper if I noticed him there. On p.20, he mentions that “[d]iscussing one’s problems with others was inadvertently discouraged where I grew up” which led to early feelings of solitude and isolation.

This is dangerous territory since the temptation to generate one’s own reality is much stronger than the gentle invitation to participate simply in the infinite simplicity of Trinitarian reality as it is all by itself (cp. Misei). As “God” explains to him at one point in the hallucination upon which the book is based, he trusts no one except himself [p. 65]. These two facts were enough to raise my suspicions about exactly whom he meant when he referred to “God.”

Grisetti describes a youthful Southern Baptist faith which he abandoned as he grew up and began to make his way in a world whose ways defied human logic. Conversations with his intransigent ex-Catholic father didn’t seem to help. His discovery of God as a paradox coincided with his departure from his provincial origins and the expansion of his horizons. 

I was struck by the persistence of evangelical metaphors in his growing awareness, especially when he described St. Paul as the Anti-Christ [p. 122]. I wondered why he would use to the term at all, let alone hang the moniker around anyone’s neck, given the baggage the expression carries with it, especially concerning those who choose to use it.

During a hallucination experienced while in a dentist’s office, Grisetti claims to have had conversations with God. The background to the overdose that precipitated the hallucination is described in way too much detail, but more than enough to convince the reader that Grisetti would do anything to avoid pain, NSSI notwithstanding. I am no fan of pain myself, but risking death to avoid pain seems counter-intuitive, at best. But we’re just here to listen.

Grisetti’s “God” sounds way too much like him. Was “God” the one growing in self-awareness, or was it Grisetti? [see especially p. 105] Was “God” undisturbed by people’s behavior or are we being treated to the vision of a conscience very much in the process of formation?

Although Grisetti mentioned the great Law of Love, I got the impression that he might have known the name of the tune, but not the words, much less the steps to the dance. Service to others, along with the life and growth it always brings, simply never showed up. For that matter, other people in general never showed up, other than as dim objects in a landscape populated almost exclusively by himself and his hallucinations. None of his dentist tormentors had a name – just labels.

Everyone has to wrestle with his or her beliefs as aging unfolds. Grisetti is no exception, and frankly, as an examination of what goes on in that process, the book has its own fascinations to offer. For those of us curious to consider what that might look like in an exceptional circumstance, this book has its merits. I would not, however, recommend it to a more general audience.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the author and/or publisher through the Speakeasy blogging book review network. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR,Part 255.