The Deacon's Bench - April, 2010

My daughter Kate and I like to trade stories. One day she was telling me about a conversation she’d had with a Maryknoll missionary, Fr. Jim. He had spent the last several years in Africa and was delighted by the cheerful innocence of the people he’d met in the remote villages he visited.

At one village far away from ‘civilization’ he took out his digital camera and showed a group of young children how it worked. They squealed with joy as they pointed each other out in the pictures. But they were puzzled too, because each of them saw someone in the pictures they didn’t recognize. Fr. Jim was puzzled too, because the village was small and remote enough so that there couldn’t possibly have been any strangers among them. Then it struck him. There were no mirrors in the village - never had been. The people the children didn’t recognize were themselves.

For better or for worse, most of us probably think we have a good idea of what we look like; mirrors are no mystery to us. But do we have a mirror in which we can see ourselves as others see us? For some of us, that mirror might be a loved and trusted family member with whom deep stuff can be safely shared from time to time. For others it’s a good friend or reliable confidant outside the family.

For your mirror to reflect properly, he or she has to be trustworthy, fearlessly honest, calm and non-judgmental. In their own safe and gentle ways, our mirrors need to reflect us, as they see us, without distortion. Folks who are good mirrors will sense the right times to help us see our shadow side – those dimensions of ourselves of which we cannot be consciously aware on our own and which we might not even like – without hurting us.

It may seem risky to have mirrors like that in our lives, or to be one ourselves for other people, but without a mirror we’re like the little kids in Africa were. We need to know what we look like so we can come to accept and love ourselves. Without that knowledge, our capability to love one another is in peril, too, since we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else.

A note of caution’s in order here: avoid the temptation to be your own mirror, since we all tend to reflect distorted images to ourselves, like those crazy mirrors at the circus that make you look fat or stretch your neck like a giraffe’s. Think about it - would you use a funhouse mirror like that to shave or put your makeup on?

One last thing about mirrors - in the very best of them, when you look, you’ll actually see Jesus. Just for fun, take a glimpse in your own mirror and ask - does the image staring back at me look more like Jesus or perhaps more like someone else?

Deacon Tim’s Emergency Recipe #46A – Spinach Glaaah

1 can mushroom soup (you knew that already, didn’t you?)
1 amount herbs de Provence
1 bag spinach (the frozen kind will do)
2-3 slices of cheddar cheese
Mix. Cook. Eat.